You are Graduating College without your MRS— Now What?

Advice for our daughters:

You did everything right: joined clubs where the men were, wore your nice Lululemons around campus, was friendly to everyone, Instagrammed photos of yourself baking and summering in the Hamptons, yet you are still single. Sure, for awhile, you thought the guy you were dating was the one, but he dumped you last week, saying he was going home to California and did not invite you to go with him. Men. Now what? Never panic, here are some solutions.

1. Remember, you are only 21

Plenty of time to still hunt for a husband. Yes, at this point, even though time is on your side, you need to continue the search.

2. Join clubs

Out of school, there are fewer opportunities for you to join clubs, but perhaps you can join a racquet club, outdoor adventure group or the gym. If a guy tells you he’s only looking at you on the leg machine to see how the machine is being used, he’s hitting on you. Flirt back and try to get him to get your number.

3. Join some dating sites for serous relationships.

Nowadays, most people meet online. We can imagine that during Covid, you are not in a flirtatious mood wearing that mask around town. At least online, you get to show photos of yourself, sans mask. If a guy asks you what you are looking for, be honest and say marriage. Don’t waste time with lies. Click here to meet some elite singles!

4. Friends

If you had been following this blog, you would have read the The Social Climber’s Bible: A Book of Manners, Practical Tips, and Spiritual Advice for the Upwardly Mobile and made some special friends to make you even more special. Maybe Muffy can invite you over to her country house to meet her single brother.

5. Go back to school

One Ivy League mom regrets not being friendlier to her law school classmates. She took law school too seriously and had a negative attitude as she competed against her classmates for the top of the class. She should have been a little more positive and made more friends in law school. Grad school is another opportunity to network. You should try to get your MRS in grad school, a second chance, if you will.

6. All is not lost– It ain’t over till it’s over!

We know men, and they are indecisive. Have you really lost that guy you had been dating? Keep on living your best life– hang out with your friends, go to the gym, join clubs, do whatever it is that makes you happy. Who knows? He might be back one day. The question is, would you want him back? Of course, you want what everyone has, an everlasting happy marriage. Therefore, keep on looking for the one. But, always be on good terms with a few exes, because hey, you never know!

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Lessons Learned from Divorced Moms

The Ivy League Moms Book Club got together the other day and the conversation came to divorce. Several members are divorced or separated. We wanted to come up with some lessons learned for our college-aged single daughters. Here is the list we came up with:

Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. Therefore, before you decide that he’s the one, ponder the following lessons learned from other people’s divorces.

1. Do Not Attend the Wrong College

If you are looking for a husband while in college, be aware of the man to woman ratio if you are a woman interested in marrying a man. Colleges such as the Fashion Institute of Technology, with about an 80 percent female student body, is not optimal for looking for a husband. What makes the odds even more against FIT ladies is that it is located in Manhattan, one of the most competitive areas for women looking for men.

2. Don’t wait too long

Do not assume that you are too young to be married when you are in your early twenties. Don’t date someone starting from your early twenties and not get married until your mid-thirties. You are giving the guy an entire decade of your fertility window without him making a commitment. Your youth is worth more than anything, so dump him and move on if he won’t commit by year five.

3. Watch how he treats others

When you are young and beautiful, you are worth something to him, whether it’s your body for childbearing or other physical activities. He will be nice to you to keep you. If other people tell you things like “it’s not too late to back out”, perhaps that’s how he will treat you when he’s tired of you.

4. Do not waste time if he’s married or otherwise taken

Please, have enough respect for yourself and other women and stay away from someone who already has his own family. Plenty of single and available men out there and you deserve a family of your own.

5. Children are a blessing

If you have children with a man and later you wind up divorced, that does not mean that you did something wrong. In fact, the children are the best treasures to come out of the relationship. You are not young forever, and you get what you get and don’t complain.

6. Make sure you are compatible before you spend too much time in the relationship

If you think a few minutes answering compatibility questions is too much, then imagine how many hours you will waste on a bad date or years that you could be spending with someone who is better for you.

7. Always have your own money

Develop skills to earn your own money. If you have writing skills, see if you can write novels on Amazon or start a blog. Make YouTube videos. Nowadays, employers allow you to work from home. Invest family money and keep it aside. You don’t have to share all your money, especially since inheritance is separate property in case of a divorce. Having your own money enhances the relationship, because you can buy the groceries, take him out to dinner and buy him gifts; love is give and take. Also, if the relationship fails, you have the option to leave.

8. Don’t waste time with hookup sites if your goal is marriage

One lady who was separated spent a lot of time on hookup sites because she would get lots of attention from men. But quantity does not mean quality. She got upset because a few gentleman who took her out to dinner never called her back. She complained to her therapist that even though the conversations with these men from the serious dating sites were ok she thought, they did not call. However, the men at the hookup sites would always call her back. The therapist said, “It’s because the hookup guys want sex! If the conversation with the serious men did not flow, then why waste time? You can’t tell until you meet. These men were willing to take the time to know you, but it didn’t work out. However, it’s a numbers game, so keep on trying.”

How to Get Your MRS Degree in College

Vanessa*, a student who intends to get her MRS degree in college, i.e. find a husband, applied early decision to Cornell because she did not want to compete with the other young ladies in big cities like New York City (Columbia) and Boston (Harvard, MIT). She did not like New Haven (Yale) and Philadelphia (University of Pennsylvania). According to Vanessa, Cornell is in Upstate New York, in its own little idyllic college town with few outsiders from the city. Vanessa might be on to something there, because Cornell is the only Ivy listed by College Magazine’s list of Top 10 Schools to Find a Husband.

Ranked on the ubiquitous “Most Right Swiped Campuses 2015” list by Tinder itself, it is scientifically proven (well, sort of) that Cornell guys are hot, successful and husband material. What other pre-reqs do you need to get your MRS degree? After all, students make nearly $60,000 on average right out of college. Having vibrant seasons and snowy winters, this Ivy League sets the scene to fall in love.

Top 10 Schools to Find a Husband, College Magazine

What is this Most Right Swiped Campuses rank by Tinder? Do college students need to use Tinder? Aren’t they just naturally in an environment where everyone is single and probably interested in the same things? According to Is There Still Sex and the City? By Candace Bushnell, no one talks to women at bars anymore. Perhaps being on Tinder allows someone to know that you are available. If you are a college student who uses Tinder, Bumble, and other apps and dating sites to meet guys, please post in the comments below.

Of course, we needed to check out aforementioned Most Right Swiped lists. Although the men in Ivies such as Dartmouth, Brown and Yale, in addition to Cornell, were on the list of most right swiped, none of the ladies of the Ivy League were on these lists. What does this mean? Men in Ivies use Tinder more often? Women at Ivies are not as right-swiped? Is Tinder still for hook ups, and if so, should you use it to attempt to get your MRS degree? Please post feedback below.

Please enjoy this hilarious video about getting the MRS at Columbia Business School:

MRS

Some tips on meeting Mr. Right in college:

1. Look your best. Do not mope around campus in baggy sweats. Get in shape, wear shapely Luluemons and other cool athleisure around campus, other other nice casual outfits.

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com
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2. Respect yourself and do not hook up. Your body is your temple. Men want classy wives. Do not use Tinder; it sends the wrong message. Use Instagram and Snapchat instead. Post cute photos of yourself baking and summering. Yes, summer is a verb! Practice for future networking and use LinkedIn also. Come to think of it, LinkedIn is great for getting to know all your fellow alumni, so set up a LinkedIn profile ASAP. If you still wish to use Tinder, check out this Netflix documentary about the Tinder Swindler, a fake billionaire who scammed women out of hundreds of thousands of dollars:

Tinder Swindler: a Cautionary Tale

3. Join clubs where the men are. While in college, you have access to all sorts of clubs and activities.

4. Make lots of friends and be social. Most of life is showing up. In fact, if you just relax and treat everyone as potential friends instead of maybe future husbands, you will make others more comfortable. See The Social Climber’s Bible: A Book of Manners, Practical Tips, and Spiritual Advice for the Upwardly Mobile— very good and interesting tips on how to win rich friends. According to the Social Climber’s Bible, “You are a special person who would be even more special if you have special friends.” Wink wink.

5. What if you did all of the above and you still have not met the one? Please be patient! Nowadays, people often meet their significant others online. Go on a site where like-minded people post their profiles. If you are seeking a serious relationship with compatibility, I recommend this site. One lady I know, a lawyer, met her husband online and had the cutest baby right after.

Notable people who got their MRS degree at Ivy League colleges:

  • Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg met her super supportive husband Marty at Cornell.
  • Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson met husband Dr. Patrick Jackson at Harvard. They have two daughters.
  • Judith Kent met her husband Jamie Dimon, currently Chairman and CEO at JPMorgan Chase, at Harvard Business School. They have three grown children.

*all names have been changed to protect the not so innocent. This article will be updated continually so please check back.

Marry Smart by Susan Patton

Ivy League Moms (ILM) Book Club Selection

My daughter was recently accepted to Cornell. Congratulations, everyone said. I do admit that there is a part of me that wonders if she could have gotten into Harvard, Yale or Princeton if she applied. But she did not even apply. Like so many other students, she fell in love with the beautiful college campus at Cornell. Who can blame them? Upon further research, I discovered that Ruth Bader Ginsburg met her husband, Marty, while attending Cornell. Well, if it is good enough for RBG, it’s good enough for us!

Numerous women in Manhattan lament the lack of suitable men in the city. And young girls these days, I am told, are more interested in starting a family, at least earlier than women of my generation. I learned the hard way that fertility does not last forever, when I had to undergo a procedure many other women need to when they reach a certain age. So, if fertility does not last forever and there are limited suitable men in the city, where and when should a young woman try to meet the one? Marry Smart, by Princeton Mom Susan Patton, holds that women should start seeking husbands in college. I totally agree! Ladies, learn from our mistakes! Do not wait! Find your husband in college if your goal in life is to have babies. A must read!

Princeton Mom says start getting the guys lined up in college so that you can have a husband after you graduate.