The Ivy League Moms Book Club got together the other day and the conversation came to divorce. Several members are divorced or separated. We wanted to come up with some lessons learned for our college-aged single daughters. Here is the list we came up with:
Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. Therefore, before you decide that he’s the one, ponder the following lessons learned from other people’s divorces.
1. Do Not Attend the Wrong College
If you are looking for a husband while in college, be aware of the man to woman ratio if you are a woman interested in marrying a man. Colleges such as the Fashion Institute of Technology, with about an 80 percent female student body, is not optimal for looking for a husband. What makes the odds even more against FIT ladies is that it is located in Manhattan, one of the most competitive areas for women looking for men.
2. Don’t wait too long
Do not assume that you are too young to be married when you are in your early twenties. Don’t date someone starting from your early twenties and not get married until your mid-thirties. You are giving the guy an entire decade of your fertility window without him making a commitment. Your youth is worth more than anything, so dump him and move on if he won’t commit by year five.
3. Watch how he treats others
When you are young and beautiful, you are worth something to him, whether it’s your body for childbearing or other physical activities. He will be nice to you to keep you. If other people tell you things like “it’s not too late to back out”, perhaps that’s how he will treat you when he’s tired of you.
4. Do not waste time if he’s married or otherwise taken
Please, have enough respect for yourself and other women and stay away from someone who already has his own family. Plenty of single and available men out there and you deserve a family of your own.
5. Children are a blessing
If you have children with a man and later you wind up divorced, that does not mean that you did something wrong. In fact, the children are the best treasures to come out of the relationship. You are not young forever, and you get what you get and don’t complain.
6. Make sure you are compatible before you spend too much time in the relationship
If you think a few minutes answering compatibility questions is too much, then imagine how many hours you will waste on a bad date or years that you could be spending with someone who is better for you.
7. Always have your own money
Develop skills to earn your own money. If you have writing skills, see if you can write novels on Amazon or start a blog. Make YouTube videos. Nowadays, employers allow you to work from home. Invest family money and keep it aside. You don’t have to share all your money, especially since inheritance is separate property in case of a divorce. Having your own money enhances the relationship, because you can buy the groceries, take him out to dinner and buy him gifts; love is give and take. Also, if the relationship fails, you have the option to leave.
8. Don’t waste time with hookup sites if your goal is marriage
One lady who was separated spent a lot of time on hookup sites because she would get lots of attention from men. But quantity does not mean quality. She got upset because a few gentleman who took her out to dinner never called her back. She complained to her therapist that even though the conversations with these men from the serious dating sites were ok she thought, they did not call. However, the men at the hookup sites would always call her back. The therapist said, “It’s because the hookup guys want sex! If the conversation with the serious men did not flow, then why waste time? You can’t tell until you meet. These men were willing to take the time to know you, but it didn’t work out. However, it’s a numbers game, so keep on trying.”